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Author Topic: Humor & Jokes from all over the World :)  (Read 31541 times)
Red43
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« on: September 24, 2010, 02:20:36 am »

I hope all you guys out there will post some great jokes here, guess it ain't a bad idea...so I start with one... Upfront I'll apologize for the bad english some times   Roll Eyes

A guy wakes up in the morning, feeling terribly bad with a big hang-over after a drinking-night with his mates. He doesn't remember anything that happened. He looks besides him and finds a letter from his wife :
Goodmorning dear, I hope you slept well. I already made you some special breakfast. Now I'm off to work and I'm already looking forward to get home. I love you !!

Oh my god the man thinks...what did I do ??

He walks downstairs and there's his daughter.. He asks her what happened last night.
Don't you remember dad she says.. You got home totally drunk...fell on the floor and we had to put you to bed....
So...he said...whats so big deal about that ?

Well... his daughter says.. When mom got into bed with you ....you said : Go away you prostitute..I'm Happily married !!

 Grin Grin Grin Grin
« Last Edit: September 24, 2010, 02:23:06 am by Red43 » Logged
The_Fun_Palace
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« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2010, 03:22:17 am »

A man walked into a bar...

...Ouch Grin Grin Grin
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danielson89
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« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2010, 03:25:44 am »

Do you know difference between man who falls from 1 floor and man who falls from 10 floor? No?  First man: bang....Fuck!! and second man: Fuuuuuuuck!!!....bang... :-D :-D
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« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2010, 03:33:17 am »

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around." Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
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Arbhin
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« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2010, 03:37:30 am »

Arbhin joke:

Boss walks over his departement, sees one of his employers bend over his work, but without pleasure. Even looking very tired.
The Boss asks what the problem is, the man says: "Well... its after lunch, sir. Before lunch I have no problem, but when lunch has passed, I feel so tired like all the energy is gone."
The Boss nods and says: "I know what you mean. i have that myself too. But I have a solution: I go home and have sex with my wife. After that I come back to work and feel all anewed again."
The man sadly nods, "I will take it to heart."

Next day Boss walks up to that same man again and sees him work like a clockwork.
"You're looking good today, did you take my advice?"
"Yea," Said the man, "Your wife is awesome!"

Happy worktime ERR"s!
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Mir
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« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2010, 10:14:31 am »

Birth control pills:
1st A woman takes a pill, and then excretes them in the urine.
2nd Frogs in the water absorb these hormones and consequently do not have offspring.
3rd Storks are no frogs in the fields so dying of starvation ...
4th ... and there's no one to bear children.


The police guy gets out of breath and shouts:
- Robbed my shop!
- And it was dedicated?
- No.
- It's no crime.
- And what is!
- Punishment Divine!


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LadyWoreBlack
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« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2010, 02:35:24 pm »


Question: Why do the Driver's Ed classes in Redneck schools only use the car on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Answer: Because on Tuesdays and Thursdays the Sex Ed class uses it.
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"Chase the light I see ahead, luminate the path I tread, I live to be the best I can" Queensryche - Best I Can
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« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2010, 03:17:09 pm »

hm...I don't know many good things except:

The pop came to visit London a week ago, the news told us all about the visit and how much fun he was having. Later the radio covered the story, at the time the DJ was a feeling a bit crazy, he concluded that the pope's vehicle was called the "pope-mobile" and so the pope must go:

QUICK! To the pope-mobile!

Okai..it kinda fails Dx but still at the time, I found it funny Cheesy
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"...All I wish is to dream again, My loving heart, Lost in the dark, For hope I'd give my everything..." Nemo-Nightwish

Dreams are wings which will take us to the future~Kaleido Star
Red43
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« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2010, 11:24:21 pm »

A man aged mid-50 comes home and sees his wife totally naked.
"Why is that dear ? Is it our anniversary today ? "he asks.
"No" she says, ""īt's not a special occasion...these are just the Clothes of Love..."
He answers :
"Next time...better iron it first......."

 Grin Grin Grin Grin
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The Eagle Warrior
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« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2010, 01:45:49 am »

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

Answer: To get to the other side  Grin
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LadyWoreBlack
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« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2010, 09:58:14 am »

A man aged mid-50 comes home and sees his wife totally naked.
"Why is that dear ? Is it our anniversary today ? "he asks.
"No" she says, ""īt's not a special occasion...these are just the Clothes of Love..."
He answers :
"Next time...better iron it first......."

 Grin Grin Grin Grin
He is soooooo NOT ever getting it again...heheheheh!!!! Grin
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"Chase the light I see ahead, luminate the path I tread, I live to be the best I can" Queensryche - Best I Can
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« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2010, 09:59:43 am »

A man aged mid-50 comes home and sees his wife totally naked.
"Why is that dear ? Is it our anniversary today ? "he asks.
"No" she says, ""īt's not a special occasion...these are just the Clothes of Love..."
He answers :
"Next time...better iron it first......."

 Grin Grin Grin Grin

...and his naked body is any better? Grin Grin Grin  hardly think so
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LadyWoreBlack
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« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2010, 10:00:51 am »

Thanks, Valerie, that was my next comment!!!  Tongue Wink
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"Chase the light I see ahead, luminate the path I tread, I live to be the best I can" Queensryche - Best I Can
LadyWoreBlack
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« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2010, 10:05:32 am »

What's the difference between a Northern Zoo and a Southern Zoo?
The Southern Zoo has a description of the animal......and a recipe.   Grin
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"Chase the light I see ahead, luminate the path I tread, I live to be the best I can" Queensryche - Best I Can
The Eagle Warrior
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« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2010, 11:56:36 pm »

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
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